Notable Things About Living In The Rio Grande Valley

1. The food. Where else can I eat Mexican Food to my hearts content? Tender, marinated fajitas piled atop an eternal botana, flavorful carne guisada dripping out of homemade tortillas, enchiladas bubbling underneath a blanket of melted cheese. There is no end to the mexican food I could consume and I could live here a hundred years and still not eat at every little family-run hole in the wall restaurant if I ate this stuff every day, 365 days a year. I love the roasted corn and the sausage tacos and the moist, boneless chicken thighs stuffed with jalapeno and onion, wrapped in maple bacon and grilled to perfection. Sweet Jesus. It's amazing that I haven't ballooned to the size of a cow.

2. Speaking of cows. Mexican food must be sinfully fattening because there are alot of hefty people around these parts and thats all good and fine but who ARE these women that squeeze themselves into spandex in this year of 2005? Never mind the spandex, I don't know how many bellies I have to see hanging over a pair of strained hip huggers before somebody...ANYBODY...screams foul. Do they not see their spare tire hanging out from under their tight little shirts? Do they not recognize the fact that they're causing a split decision in the seat of their pants which by the way, are so stretched that I can see the flowery print of their underwear from between the tortured fibers of their bicycle shorts? I know Hispanic women like to feel sexy. They like to wear tight shirts and short skirts and high heels. They like to show leg and cleavage and anything else not blatantly immodest. They're hot. With their long dark hair, wide dark eyes and smooth bronzed skin. But people of the Valley...there are limits. Know yours.

3. Mexico. It's right around the corner and despite recent violent acts against tourists...it's a nice place to have a good margarita and do some souvenir shopping. It takes talent to make those little frogs stand up and hold miniature beer cans. And nobody has to know that your Oakley sunglasses, your Nike shirt, and your name brand purse are all FAKE. Of course I can spot these things from a mile away. Its one of my many talents.

4. South Padre Island. Miles of sand and sun. Normally sand in my ass appalls me, however I have recently discovered the dunes at the far end. Rarely anyone else goes out that far when its not Spring Break and the sand is softer there. Or maybe thats just my imagination. I like to climb to the top of the highest dune and burrow out a little space for my body before I lay down and feel the sun and the ocean breeze sweep tiny grains of sand over me. Cristian just likes rolling down these things. Either way it's a nice place for some good seafood, a romantic evening, and a bitchin sunburn.

5. The State Of Texas. We are a part of this huge and incredible state. We have a rich history of bravery and rebellion. We are massive. Houston, Austin, Dallas, San Antonio...all in one place. We are a people of booming voices and large hats. We are FRIENDLY and BOISTEROUS and OPINIONATED. We like good food and good drinks and working hard. We're known for this shit. We're PROUD of our pigeon-holes. We ENJOY being stereotyped. We mock it even as we prove it. We rule.
Recognize.