The Introduction Of Robert Bell

Okay. So I didn't know that Campana was BELL in Spanish. I'm only a WEXican, after all.
Mr. Robert Bell came a visiting this Saturday after spending an obscene amount of cashola on some Authentic Mexican Window Tint. Oh Robert. Actually he spent an obscenely SMALL amount of cashola on the window tint but made up for that score by traveling around Mexico with peeps he didn't know and picking up some important document for a friend, which upon inspection, likely could have been faxed. Then he made his way to the TGI Friday in McAllen to meet up with Roy, Cody and me. Roy and I had prepped ourselves by reviewing soupycannon and memorizing his friendly visage. I think he's tall, I said. Oh, he looks like a nice guy, he said. And as we sat there in a booth and eyed up all the newcomers I would remark...no, he's WAY taller than that. He's like pretty tall, I think. And actually I MUST have been thinking about Manan. Not that Robert is short, no not at all, but tall? No, I wouldn't quite say he is THAT either. And in he walked...his eyes reminding me a little of Andrew McCarthy, my junior high imaginary lover. "There he is! There he is!" I squealed in delight. I lifted one long wing and flapped it excitedly. Ah HA! He spotted me!
So Robert walks up, has a seat across from Roy and next to Cody, we have about 2 mins of meaningless conversation about the drive and nice to meet you finally and yadayadayada and then this guy settles himself in and we're all just juking and jiving like we've known each other for years! It was awesome. Robert. It was awesome. So we all tell a few stories. Robert tells us about driving back across the border and getting pulled over by border patrol and explains about the long mirror that they swept under his car and Roy does a FANTASTIC impression of a dude hiding underneath Roberts Acura and we all laughed heartily and then Cody dove right into his story about the girl he likes who tooted in front of him while in a drunken, vomitous stupor...which I could go into in great hilarious detail but ah heck. Thats CODY'S story to tell. Then after we finished our drinks and such, Roy called me over to the restroom to consult.
"That dude is totally cool. Should we invite him back to Mom's?"
"Do you want to?"
"Yeah he's cool as shit."
"I know, right? He's bad ass. Okay. I gotta pee."
"Do you think anyone will embarass us?"
"I hope not..."
"Okay. I'll go talk to him."
So that is how Robert Bell was introduced to the Martinez Clan in all their glory. Because you see, THATS how the Martinez' get down. We go hang out at Mom's house. Roy and I were a little nervous and rightly so. I became even MORE nervous when the entire group migrated from the front porch to the back yard and Robert ended up sitting directly across from Julie who initiated him into the evenings festivities by pointing out that HER last blog post was about menstrual products. If I could have...I would have picked Robert up then and there with my fingers curled like claws up over his head and hid him in my pocket until she was finished. BUT instead he good-naturedly listened to her and even cracked a few jokes about it.
Oh he was warming up for sure.
The next obstacle was my brother in law Tommy, who has a habit of blurting out extremely foul and grotesque descriptives of bodily functions. Going into a tad bit more detail than even I can handle on a good day. But oh no! Robert handled EVEN THAT. In fact...a while later I attributed it to the fact that he is a Martinez on his mother's side. It was the only explanation I could find. It was around Midnight when we all packed it up and headed out.
Robert, Thank You for the KICK ASS gifts, you TOTALLY shouldn't have done that but dangit, I really like my DVD so I'm glad you did. Next time you're down here getting some cheap ass tint in MEX, give us a ringaling. And by the way, we received the verdict on you yesterday evening at Tommy's Superbowl Extravaganza...everyone thought you fucking rocked.