Master VS Disaster

Okay, so I’ve been dodging Cristian for three weeks now as he has been insistent about showing me how to play Yu-Gi-Oh. Oh yes, I’ve dodged the bullet quite a few times during these past few weeks but yesterday I ran out of excuses. And really…I was starting to feel bad about it. And Cris would not be deterred…

Mom. I want you to play in the next tournament with me.

Cris, I can’t play in a tournament against little kids.

Mom, some of them aren’t little. They’re like 13 or something.

And so it went all the way to my parent’s house yesterday. My mom had been commissioned to watch Miko while Cris went about the business of teaching me all the magic that is Yu-Gi-Oh.
We started out with an instructional video. Yes. There is an instructional video narrated by Yugi himself. It was called something to the effect of, OFFICIAL YU-GI-OH RULES GUIDE. I don’t recall how long it was but it was boring enough that I had to use any distraaction to avert my gaze from the television which would prompt Cris to shout things like…

KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE TV MOM. PAY ATTENTION.

But the pizza is here!

I DON’T CARE MOM. GET BACK HERE!

Tyrant. So after spending an extraordinarly long time eating two slices of pizza, I was finally out of excuses. I was commanded to sit on the floor and I was handed one shiny, new, carefully selected deck encased in bright red sleeves. My very own deck. Hand-picked especially for me. Doesn’t that just make your heart all melty? It did for me right up until Cristian proceeded to completely obliterate me. I say he was cheating. Either that or his “hand-picked” deck was lacking anything useful. His monsters were better. His spells more effective. His traps, plentiful…

I call on Petin the Dark Clown! Your Celtic Warrior is DESTROYED!
MUWAHAHAHA!

WAIT A MINUTE! You can’t destroy him because I’m removing him from the playing field!

It’s not your turn!

Fine! I’ll just recall him with MONSTER REBORN!

Don’t you DARE!

I SUMMON CELTIC WARRIOR FROM THE GRAVEYARD TO ATTACK…whats the name of that card again?

Luckily my dad intervened about 15 minutes into the game or Cris and I may have started tussling…

Dad! He was cheating!

I was not cheating! YOU weren’t paying attention to the video, WERE YOU?

Yes I was! You weren’t giving me a chance to summon any monsters!

And with a flourish and a subsequent flounce he pointed one sticky finger towards my nose and replied…

Well THAT’S what you can EXPECT in a PROFESSIONAL duel.

And then the little stinker skipped out the door to boxing practice. About as happy as I’ve ever seen him. Later he promised to adjust my deck but I just lay on the couch and hissed at him.

I want a re-match.