Underneath My Skin

Okay I went to the Bone Cracker and he made me get X-Rays so he could see the state of affairs in the Bone Land Of My Spine And Ribs. This was not cool. I had to fill out a questionnaire asking me what my method of birth control is! And I couldn't freaking think of an appropriate name for...CONDOM. oh wait. I mean. I'm Catholic. I don't use Birth Control. HA! So I had to ask the guy this...
"Umm. uh. I don't know what....like...um...what you call...the scientific name...for..um..you know....uh...con....dommm." AAAARGH! WHY DON'T WE JUST PURPOSEFULLY MAKE MY BACK SPASM, SHALL WE?!
And he said...."....uh.....um...I dont....know...uh....contra....cep...tive. I don't know how you spell that."
And I said...."Oh. I know how to spell it. I....just couldnt...think...I was....nervous."
And then I think we both turned bright red. Then he gives me a paper gown and tells me to take off my blouse and I say..."And my bra too?" and I'm thinking....please not my bra please not my bra please not my bra.....and of course he says..."Does it have metal clasps?"....."(gulp) Yes. (stupid BRA!)" So I go into the little dressing room and put on my paper gown and tie my plastic belt and leave alot of poof around my chest because it was COLD in there and I swear that paper was see-through and then I struck a couple of poses for the X-Ray Guy Who Knows I Have Sex And Use Condoms And That I Am Cold and I want to SHRIVEL UP AND DIE WITH MY COLD BOOBS AND MY PAPER SHIRT AND MY PLASTIC BELT AND MY COOOOOONDOMS! How FREAKING embarrassing. So why would I make this all public if I am so embarrassed? Because YOU all can't see me. Thats why. HA! And now I might have scoliosis, but I doubt it. WAAAAAAA!