America's Most Wanted

There's been a kidnapping in our family. No, not really. It was actually a smurfnapping. The highly esteemed Papa Smurf has been abducted. Some of you may know Papa Smurf, some of you may not. Papa Smurf stands about 2 inches high and it has been my custom to hide him in various places throughout the house and insert cryptic notes in Cristians lunchbox that read...
"I saw you but you didn't see me. Signed. Papa Smurf."
It's Cristian's daily task to try and FIND Papa Smurf. Sometimes its no trouble and SOMETIMES Papa Smurf is M.I.A. for over a week or so. Papa Smurf had originally been purchased for my sister who has a Smurf Fetish but after much time had passed and Papa Smurf had not been delivered, the Game evolved.
But, I made the mistake of mentioning Papa Smurf to my sister. Normally my sister doesnt visit me at my house unless she is crashing there after a night of carousing. Which is what she happened to be doing a couple of weeks ago. In the morning, before she left...she waltzed into my bedroom, snatched Papa Smurf off of my dresser and ran out of my house shouting...
"I GOT HIM! I GOT HIM! I FOUND PAPA SMURF AND HE'S MINE MINE ALL MINE!"
Imagine our collective horror as the front door slammed and the tires of her Jeep screeched out of the driveway.
A silence fell.
Then panic erupted.
I called her cell phone.
"Look. I know I bought him for you but...you gotta bring him back."
"He's mine. You bought him for me."
"I know I did! I'll buy you something else! We NEED him!"
"No. He's mine."
"HE'S NOT YOURS! I NEVER OFFICIALLY GAVE HIM TO YOU! HE'S OUR SMURF AND WE LOVE HIM DAMNIT!"
"Too bad."
Then I tried reasoning with her.
"It's a game we play. It's a family thing. Cristian will be devastated. It's special."
"I don't give a shit."
"YOU BITCH YOU BETTER BRING MY SMURF BACK RIGHT NOW OR I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND..."
*click
So now we are smurfless. But Cristian and I are not giving up. We are clever. We are determined. We will get him back. Somehow.
We'll bring that smurf home.