Neighbors That Suck

I noticed some time ago that a few of my neighbors suck.
Neighbor That Sucks #1: This award goes to the family that built their house on the other side of MY neighbor and never finished. They live in a square of concrete blocks. Okay. Money's tight. Fine. But did they REALLY have to clutter up their front porch with an old washing machine and trash? And did they REALLY have to erect that mailbox that looks more like a concrete blob painted dark gray with an OBSCENE OWL SCREECHING FROM ITS PERCH ATOP?! Yes. You read that right. They have a BUTT UGLY WING FLAPPING EVIL EYE LOOKING OWL glued or whatever to the top of their mailbox. Morons.
Neighbor That Sucks #2: This honor is currently held by my favorite House On The Corner That I Love To Hate. One of my very first posts was dedicated to this house. You see...this house was really nice. And right on the corner leading into our neighborhood. But then, before we knew it...the new home owners were loading up their front and back yards with CRAP. We couldnt tell if they were having a Yard Sale or if they were just trying to attractively display all of their CRAP. And come to find out...THE CRAP IS A PERMANENT FIXTURE. But the fun didn't stop there, oh no. A few weeks ago...as I drove home late one evening...there was the dad, stationed in the front yard with a FUCKING HOT DOG CART. This dude is selling HOT DOGS in his front yard! And he's not even like...12 years old! This gaily painted little hot dog cart with an umbrella and an overhead light was OPEN FOR BUSINESS IN MY NEIGHBORS FRONT YARD. And the worst part? MY DAD BOUGHT A HOT DOG FROM THE GUY.
Neighbor That Sucks #3: I hardly ever see these people but I see their house from time to time and I still haven't figured out why they painted their entire driveway and sidewalk with red paint. I just don't get it. Especially since the paint started to rub off or fade or whatever, within weeks. It looks weird now. And it annoys me.
Neighbor That Sucks #4: I was really excited to see a new house going up on the next street. It looked really cute with columns and a half circle driveway. When it was finished, I thought to myself...what a nice house. And then a week later I saw the rain pipe crookedly attached to the front of their house. Not only was it smack dab in the front of their house BUT IT WAS CROOKED AND I CANNOT ABIDE CROOKED SHIT. I eyeballed it every day for weeks and then suddenly it disappeared. I GOT THE POWER!
Neighbor That Sucks #5: Okay these people don't really suck. In fact I like them alot. But before I knew them, I could never figure out why their modest brick home required a HUGE ASS STONE FOUNTAIN in the front yard. This thing was massive. Like...it belonged in front of a mansion. Or Mike and Nina's house. IT WAS THAT BIG. They must have inherited it when they bought the house because they DID finally break it down and remove it.
Neighbor That Sucks #6: These next neighbors have somewhat redeemed themselves but for the first year and a half that we lived in our new neighborhood, the two-story house on the second street was unbricked. ONE ENTIRE YEAR OF DRIVING BY THE UNBRICKED HOUSE WAS ENOUGH. And the bricks were RIGHT THERE. Stacked so nicely on the side. They bricked it up not too long ago but these neighbors sucked because shortly after we moved in, the wife backed her Suburban right into my little Honda Civic, successfully crunching in one side. Apparently she didn't see me ambling down the street before she pulled out of her driveway. The next day she was outside trimming her dang ficus. I forgave her though...maybe only because she was just too beautiful to be angry with. And she paid me $350 to fix my car.
This concludes my Neighbors That Suck List. To be continued...