Season's Greetings From Joy Dollar

That lady that sings the Barney songs here in my office hit the Dollar Store last week and bought a Holy Crapload of One Dollar Deco. And then on Friday the girls stayed late putting all of it up. Maybe I'm just being a Scrooge but it slightly looks TERRIBLE. Some of it looks nice. Alot of it looks horribly wrong. For instance. The red "Merry Christmas" banner with the gold glitter letters and the holly leaf with a FUZZY ORANGE TEDDY BEAR in place of holly berries. That was holly berries. Not Halle Berrys. Yeah. That was a second glance kind of moment. I'm all like...."Merrrry Chrissstmas. Thats nice. What the....Why is there an orange bear on here? Did you guys see this orange bear?" And everybody else just looked the other way. THEY ARE IN DENIAL ABOUT THE ORANGE BEAR.
My door has thusly been transformed into a gigantic gift. And I have been told that I received the much coveted BLUE wrapping paper which had apparently been in high demand. Why they chose to wrap my door in blue and then make me feel guilty about it...I have no idea, since I don't give two craps about what color my door was wrapped. No, I take that back. I would have rather had red or green. Or gold. Or anything BUT blue. But I have blue and everyone is jealous. Bah.
There is also garland hanging in huge butt shapes from the ceiling all the way down the hall. The garland has been adorned with colored balls and teeny red bows. In the center of the butt shape (a.k.a. the butt crack) hangs...no...DANGLES...a small cluster of balls. Looking much like the butt garland is dropping a glorious golden turd.
Perhaps my favorite yuletide addition is a bodiless fiber optic Santa head gruesomely laid out on the front table, glowing with an eerie, wavering rainbow of colors...similar to how I imagine Santa on acid would look. And the fact that it is just his head on a table makes it all the more disturbing. I repeat. SANTA'S HEAD WITH NO BODY IS SITTING ON OUR FRONT TABLE GLOWING LIKE AN EVIL SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS COME BACK TO AVENGE HIS STOLEN BODY AND MAKE US PAY FOR HANGING GARLAND BUTTS FROM THE CEILING. What the heck is going on here?
Martha Stewart doesn't have NUTHIN on these people. Damn that dollar store.