Happy Fucking Holidays

I must have had the shittiest 4-day weekend of my entire life. Thats what I get for being so excited about having 4 days off. Actually Thursday wasnt bad. I ate. I ate alot. Eating was good. But then Friday I had scheduled myself for a day of shopping and spending quality time with Roy...I was picturing a nice lunch...buying lights for the house...hunting down a pair of roller skates...maybe a good movie with lots of buttery popcorn....it was going to be the best Friday EVER. My mom was going to watch the boys for me as soon as she got out of a doctors appointment. but then...we didn't know it would be a FIVE HOUR doctors appointment. So we embarked on our errands with the boys in tow. I had one cranky sick baby and one pesky over-talkative 8 year old. I was setting myself up for failure. We started out at Lowe's and we bought the lights and some little trees for the yard and all the other implements needed and after 45 mins of...
"No. No, you can't buy anymore ornaments. No, we aren't going home yet. No, we don't need those lights. I don't feel like reading what that card says right now. No, we're not going home yet. Yes, we're going to go eat right now. Put that back, I'm not buying that. Where are you GOING? You stick right by this cart! I already told you I am NOT BUYING ANY MORE ORNAMENTS. I don't know WHERE we're going to eat. I DON'T CARE IF YOU WANT TO PLAY HALO WE ARE NOT GOING HOME YET!"
Son of a ...!!! We finally get out of Lowe's and I decided I wanted Mexican food. Roy suggested Poncho's which was close by. I don't really like Poncho's but FINE, I agreed. So this wonderful lunch I was going to have with my husband? Didn't happen. The baby starts squawking so I was feeding him a bottle and trying to shove chips in my mouth. I ordered some stupid plate that I had never tried before and it tasted like shit and the iced tea tasted like shit too. It tasted like there was tobacco brewed in it.
Our next stop was Wal-Mart for lack of anything better to do, I thought I would salvage my day by buying diapers and stuff. SHOPPING WOO HOO...who cares if it's just diapers and Baby Vick's? Next thing I know Peepers is dumping a load and Roy is hurrying me and then I got really grinchy and snapped at Roy and then Roy snapped back at me then I stomped off and dropped an entire jar of Gerber Chicken and Rice all over the floor. OH SHITTY DAY WHY HAST THOU PLAGUED ME?!
Thankfully my parents were ready to take the boys by the time we left Wal-Mart but instead of going to see a movie we decided we were broke so we bought ice cream and went home. That night my one mission in life was to get drunk. And since I never get drunk, or even drink, it seemed like an interesting plan. I have NO IDEA WHY I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUN. We bought a bottle of REALLY CHEAP Vodka and some cranberry juice and my sister in law and her husband showed up. I had 4 glasses, I think. I don't remember. I was drunk. And cackling. And suddenly my brother in law was like...totally the coolest Canadian dude in the whole world. And everything he was saying was like...totally freaking cool. And we were bonding over Vodka and Ritz crackers. Then the phone rings and lo and behold, for some odd reason, my ex-husband decided to call. While I am drunk. And Cris isn't home. I may or may not have told him he was quite literally on crack and that he was a shitty husband, a shittier father, and a worthless friend. And furthermore, he sucked big time. After THAT conversation ended, I found myself sprawled out on the couch shortly before being sprawled out on the floor. But if being drunk wasn't bad enough, Peepers was sick. Really sick. So I was sick and HE was sick and we were up all night being sick together. And THAT sucked big time.
Saturday morning, I was thinking we could salvage some of what was left of the holiday weekend but no...it wasn't meant to be. We took Peepers to the doctor and $60 later, the air con in the truck went out. I was grouchier than a grizzly bear, the kids were getting on my last nerve, I had no sleep, no air con, no money, no Christmas Tree, no good Mexican food, no movie with hot buttery popcorn, a cranky sick baby, a stressed out husband, an overly vivacious 8-year old, a tummy full of Vodka residue, and I ate McDonalds for dinner. DOES IT GET ANY SHITTIER THAN MCDONALDS FOR DINNER?! Oh yes it does. Nissan was closed until Monday so we couldn't even fix the X-Terra. WHY OH WHY DOES LIFE HAVE TO BE SO CRUEL?! But The Gremlin Of Shit wasn't done with me yet. I woke up on Sunday with a cold and a sore throat.
Add that to my List.