Why Maple Bacon Is Numero Uno On My Shit List

Last night I made breakfast for dinner. My dad's favorite but dad wasnt there to eat it. Roy was. and Cris. and I fried some eggs and pulled out the new pan my mom bought me (on QVC) with the handy-dandy bacon press and set to work frying me some maple bacon. damn maple bacon. I turned on the fan over the stove but NOTHING....NOTHING could rid me of the musky...heavy...cloying scent of MAPLE BACON! it was all over me. all up in my fabrics. embedded in my upholstery! and my HAIR! my God, my HAIR. I showered last night but stupidly waited until this moring to wash my hair so all night long I woke up with Maple Bacon hair under my nose. MAPLE BACON HAIR IS GROSS! and this morning...I scrubbed my maple bacon hair with kiwi scented shampoo and as I sit here...I STILL SMELL MAPLE BACON. so I called Roy who is at home today with Peepers and I asked him...'do you still smell maple bacon?' and he replied...'yes. I still smell maple bacon.' and I responded...'I STILL SMELL MAPLE BACON TOO!' and I dont think I EVER want to cook maple bacon again.