The Drive Thru

When I want fast food, I generally order at the drive thru. why? because I am a busy woman! I have things to do! I want to order at the menu, have my money ready at the first window and receive my order at the second window. period! Don't give me that..."Can you please drive around to the front and we will take your order to you." BULLSHIT. If I wanted to park my ass in your parking lot, I would have parked my ass and ordered inside! I ALWAYS have my money ready when I pull up and I never linger unnecessarily after I get my food. I follow the drive thru rules. I know what I'm doing. I worked the drive thru at a Taco Bell for a few years during my high school and college days and I know all about timers and the 30 second rule and multi-tasking. I KNOW what it takes to key an order, charge an order, answer stupid fucking questions, and expedite an order all at the same time. ALL AT THE SAME TIME! I understand these things. I do not bark my order at the menu or sit at the window counting out pennies or ask the clerk to take my personal car trash for me....all of these are very annoying things that other idiots do when ordering at a drive thru, but NOT ME! I would LOVE to say NO when they ask me to pull around to the front. I would LOVE to refuse. but...they might be holding my chicken nuggets hostage and who KNOWS what they may do to them! remember...I worked a drive thru. I know how to get petty revenge on asshole customers. My personal favorite was simply to squeeze the burrito in the middle before dropping it into the bag or sometimes the tacos would mysteriously break. but that was only when I was treated with complete and utter disregard. I have a theory that some low-life scums of the earth feel better when they go to a store and treat the people that work there in a shitty fashion. as I recall, as a Taco Bell employee, I had a few pet peeves of my own. Here they are.

1. People who let their kids leave a big fucking mess all over the table. and floor. and highchair. If you don't do that at home, why do it somewhere else? Pigs.
2. People who don't take their tray o' trash to the nearest receptacle and dispose of it. Look asshole. The trashcan is there for YOU, motherfucker. USE IT.
3. People who literally THROW their money onto the counter. As if the girl at the register is not worthy of having it placed in her hand. Who the FUCK do you think you are, Big Shot? This isnt the Ritz. Its fast-food. Dumb-ass.
4. People who steal the change on the ground at the Drive Thru window. Guess what, asshole? That isn't free money. Keep your damn hands off it. Other customers dropped it there before you showed up and the person at the window kindly told them she would pick it up later. You stupid fuck.
5. People who think its funny to order a menu item that is sold by another fast-food restaurant. As in..."yeah! can I have a Whopper? and can you Biggie size it? what? this is Mcdonalds? ha ha! hyuck! hyuck!" As if they have NEVER heard that lame ass joke before.

So I understand why sometimes these kids can be in a bad mood, but if I'm not an asshole first...don't be an asshole to me. Don't let me drive away without thanking me, you ungrateful little shit. and don't give me a 'look' when I ask you a question. Dont ignore me when I pull up to the menu board because I know that you know, I am there. And don't forget to give me something that I ordered so that I get halfway out of the parking lot (because I don't trust you, I check BEFORE I leave) and I am missing the main course of my meal. i.e. the BURGER. Listen well Fast Food Employees and Fast Food Customers, alike. I'm watching you and I am vengeful.