Guilty Pleasures: Chapter Four: Oral Fixation

I believe I suffer from an Oral Fixation. Perhaps that is why I enjoyed smoking so much...and by the way...Roy and I haven't had a cig yet! anyway. I like to have things in my mouth. and if there isn't anything nearby to chew on, I'll simply suck on my teeth. making that high-pitched squeaking sound that occasionally morphs into an embarrassing imitation of a less attractive bodily noise. as if teeth squeaking is attractive anyway. at other times I will chew on my own fingers, although I am not a nail biter. I'll just chew on my thumb and then marvel at the imprint that my teeth have left. pencils get chewed on too, of course. those are kind of oral fixation standards. and straws are soon mangled to an unsuckable mess. I'll even admit to putting things in my mouth just to see what it feels like on my tongue. usually things that are coated with cushiony rubber, as those things feel particularily good when biting down on them. and I am not above biting my husband. I try not to bite him hard, I swear. but sometimes he looks so delicious, I can't help myself. this IS a sickness in me! If a bare part of his body comes anywhere near my face...I'm inclined to bite it. okayokay. not EVERY bare part of his body, so you can stop cringing now. but definitely other meatier parts. like his biceps or his chest or his shoulder or his neck or his thigh or his finger, which he occasionally dares to poke at me with. other things I chew on include the telephone antenna, necklaces long enough to reach my mouth, and my own lips. and for cripe's sake...don't give me a drink in a styrofoam cup. I will bite all the way around the rim and then eventually bite off pieces and then much like with my thumb, I will remain fascinated for a few more moments by the imprint that my teeth have made. I'll even confess right now that I have a small square piece of styrofoam in my desk that I bit into before I got my braces and I plan on closely examining the differences after my braces are removed. this shit is interesting! I don't care too much for things like lollipops or popsicles because I inevitably reach the stick and commence with utterly destroying it. In the case of lollipops, the result is a several times bent, mushy paper glob. In the case of popsicles, the result is a splinter in my tongue. yuck. there are SOME things that repulse even me. now because most plastics are too unyielding, I usually refrain from pen caps but I do remember in high school being completely in awe of a girl in one of my classes who had gnawed the top of her black papermate into a perfect ball. I always aspired to that, but could never duplicate it. I figured she must have used mainly her front teeth and it probably took her the better part of a semester and I often found myself wondering...how in the heck did a PAPERMATE last that long? It probably pooted out shortly after the splendid globe of tooth destruction was achieved therefore rendering all her efforts a waste. sad indeed. I mourn that loss, still. I'm not above tenderly nibbling on my children...especially earlobes which dangle so enticingly above the neck where I like to give those snorting kinds of smooches. the ones that leave little kids completely doubled over in giggles. and I'm not talking about Evander Holyfield earlobes. but small, downy, salty earlobes. aaaah. a delicacy for sure. so remember this next time we are sitting together having a conversation because I may be thinking about how best to bite you or a piece of jewelry you are wearing. I can't help it. its out of my control. have some compassion!