Serial Pooper

"Yesterday evening at approximately 8:00pm authorities apprehended the individual known only as The Truck Stop Pooper, ending the daylong tri-county manhunt."

Okay so yesterday Peepers relinquished the most odiferous poop ever in his young life. A stench so foul it could only be described as Truck Stop Poop. This is akin to the horrific stink usually associated with middle of no-where truck stops. You know the ones. This is the place where you stop the car even when you dont want to and only because you absolutely HAVE to. because you feel the need to pee like you've never peed before ONLY because you were trying to stay awake and you drank alot of coke or coffee because you are the assigned navigator (even though you didn't want to be the navigator) and your husband has done all the driving thus far so you feel slightly (only slightly) guilty about it. and then he pulls over to the only place left on God's Earth. you slide gingerly out of the car so that you don't pee your pants and when you open the dirty glass door a little cowbell tinkles and The Man With The Red Shirt stands behind the counter regarding you with minimal interest and you know that when you leave this place, you will feel obligated to buy a 20oz Pepsi starting this whole vicious cycle all over again. you make your way back to the furthest, darkest, dustiest corner of this weathered little store and behind an unused mop bucket and a fallen wet floor sign you find The Door. The Door with a little yellowed piece of paper taped crookedly to the front indicating that this one is for the Gals. The Door that stands slightly ajar. The Door with the chipped paint. and you cautiously open the door to this dimly lit room with the ancient sink and the condom machine tacked to the wall (as if!) and the smell that assaults you screams out the stench of every woman who ever passed through since the beginning of Time Eternal. The entire essence of this room is foul. Its SOUL is foul. you realize that the doorknob is completely ineffectual so you find yourself attaching the inevitable doorlatch that has been haphazardly assembled somewhere near the top region of the door. and as you carefully prepare the toilet seat with layer after layer of toilet paper that you can ill afford (since the roll is already nearly at an end) you ask yourself.....what horrific beast of mythology just vacated this place?!? and furthermore...did it leave behind its most recent kill or what in the Devil's Hell is that horrible God-forsaken smell?! THAT, my friends, is the stench that my Peepers fouled his diaper with last night. how in God's Name it was done on mere lactose-free formula...I can not fathom. This was the Poop of a food-fed baby. this is the Poop that is created by heinous sustenance like pureed fruits and vegetables. but more horrific than the stench itself...was the look of shining pride on my husband's face when he waggled the baby's butt under my nose and giggled. Sicko.