Guilty Pleasures: Chapter Two: Sauces

Roy and I had lunch today with his co-worker, Eliona. She took us to a Greasy Spoon Burger Joint in the next town, which served up (according to her claim) the BEST Greasy Spoon Burgers this side of the state line. These were SOUTH TEXAS Greasy Spoon Burgers! (by the way, does anyone know how the phrase 'greasy spoon' originated?) anyway. The burgers were good but better yet, on the way back to work Eloina admitted to us that she has a guilty pleasure. She likes to dip her biscuit in the leftover shrimp scampi sauce at Red Lobster but her friends always make faces at her when she does, so she refrains. how unjust! denying yourself a guilty pleasure for the sake of appearances? (sigh) isnt this America? land of the free? home of the bread-dippers?! So here and now, I will admit...and therefore no longer be guilty of...a love of sauces and gravies and dips and any other thick, flavorful, liquid-ish food topping. melted garlic butters, onion flavored dips, spicy melted nacho cheese. lets say...I have a little chip with my dip. I'm a big dipper. not a DOUBLE dipper. I'll cover the whole cracker in squeeze cheeze, thank you very much. I'll grab the cheesiest nacho first. I'll break my potato chip in the tub of French Onion trying to dig it in deep. hell, I'll even dip my damn biscuit in Roy's shrimp scampi sauce if the mood strikes me. and why the hell not?! I even want extra sauce on my pizza, damnit! don't give me one of those dried up pizzas with the cheese sparsely glued to a flat piece of crust with only a hint of orange. I want it RED with sauce! I want pizza sauce to dribble down my fucking chin! I'm the gal who goes through the drive-thru at Taco Bell and asks for EXTRA nacho cheese, please! don't give me that one squirt bullshit! squirt until your arm hurts! put some muscle into it! and if my mom puts gravy on the table you can bet your life that I will pour it over every inch of my plate. okay not the veggies, but definitely the meat and potatoes will be drowning. they'll be wearing little scuba masks like in that old commercial. so go ahead Eloina! dip that piece of pan dulce in your coffee. soak up that scampi sauce with your biscuit! for me, for you, for ALL the closet dippers out there! this is AMERICA and we DIP LARGE! Hallelujah.